honorifics are funny (in korean)

24 Oct, 2025

background information on honorifics in korean

for a korean speaker¹, i don't think i have the best relationship with honorifics. that means i don't apply honorifics most of the time.

i mean i'm not rude, so i do use sentence endings like -요 or -습니다 for adults and older people in school (that includes 8th and 9th grade people. i like to make fun of korea's age hierarchy using the fact that i bow to them and use 존댓말 when they're 1~2 years older than me) but other things like adding affixes or switching up words? i suck at that. (i'm referring to things like 가다 -> 가시다, 그분이 -> 그분께서, 먹다 -> 드시다)

like here's a convo i had today with my best friend ila² about a person i met on social media: (couldn't find a recording of the call, but i can remember some exact quotes and more generally what we said)

me: 그래서 첨에 내가 그분 게시물을 봤을때, 학교에서 자기 외에 도기보나 화자가 한 명 있다는 거임. 그래서 '와 신기하다. 진짜 운이 좋다' 이랬는데
(so when i first saw their(honorific) posts, [they said] there's a toki pona speaker besides themself(honorific). so i was like 'wow cool. [they're] really lucky')³

ila: 와 좋으셨겠다
(wow must have been (honorific) great)⁴

me: ㅇㅇ 은근 부러웠음. 그담엔 자기가 소설을 쓴다는거임. 그래서 내가 아 나도 소설 쓰는데, 한국어, 영어, 도기보나 이렇게 섞어서 쓴다 말했거든? 근데 그분은 영어랑 도기보나랑, 프랑스어랑 그리스어까지 알아서 영어 빼고 세 개 섞어 쓴다는거임. 몰루 난 글케 이해함
(yeah [i] was a bit jealous. then [they said] themself⁵ writes stories. so i said, oh i also write stories, and i mix around korean, english and toki pona. but [they said] they(honorific) know english, toki pona, and even french and greek, so they(honorific) mix the three of them excluding english. idk i understood it like that)

ila: 미친 진짜 부지런하시네? 나는 듀오링고로 스페인어 배우려다 포기했는데. 근데 어떤 친구가 스페인어에 관심있어서 나한테 자꾸 스페인어 밈 보내ㅋㅋ
(whoa [they] really hard-work(honorific)⁶. i was trying to learn spanish through duolingo and gave up. but some friend's interested in spanish so she keeps sending me spanish memes lol)

me: ㅋㅋㅋ나는 에스페란토 배우려다 포기함. 독일어나 배울까 암튼 그래서, 다음에 그분이 자기가 자야 한다, 근데 새벽 4시인데 안 자고 있다, 이렇게 글을 올림. 그래서 내가 댓글에, 아 그러면 왜 못 자는 건가, 한국에서는 학원 숙제 때문에 못 자는 친구들이 많다 사이드노트로 뭐 이런 식으로 씀. 그러니까 그분이 학원 뭔지 아는데, 뉴욕에도 그런 게 있는 것 같다, 자기가 예전에 특목고 입학시험? 뭐 그런 걸 준비하는데 학원 같은 걸 다녔다, 이러는 거야
(lol i was tryna learn esperanto and gave up. should i learn german or something so anyways, then they(honorific) posted that themself needs to sleep, but they(honorific)'re not sleeping even when it's 4am in the bosseyomp⁷. so i said in the comments, oh then why can't you sleep, in korea many friends can't sleep because of hakwon homework as a sidenote. so [they said] they(honorific) know what hakwon is, it seems like there's something similar in new york, in the past themself was preparing for some test for entering specialized high schools? something like that and went to hakwon.)

ila: 헐 그래서, 특목고생이셨어?
(whoa so, [they] were(honorific) a specialized high school student?)

me: ㅇㅇ 첨엔 내가 시험 이름을 모르니까, 이게 뭔 시험이지 하면서 찾아봤는데 뉴욕 특목고 입학시험. 그래서 와 대박 특목고세요? 뭐 이렇게 댓글 달았고 그 이후로 답장이 안오고 있음.
(yeah at first i don't recognize the test name, i looked up thinking 'what test is this' and entrance test for specialized high schools in new york. so i commented like 'wow cool you are(honorific)⁸ in a specialized high school?' and the reply isn't coming since.)

ila: 그럼 주무시겠지.
(in that case [they] must sleep(honorific))

me: 아니 그니까 여러 일에 걸쳐서 얘기한 거임.
(no so [we] talked over multiple days.)

ila: 바쁘시겠지. 생각해봐 고등학생이신데 중학생이랑은 급이 다르지.
([they] must busy(honorific)⁶. think, [they] are a high schooler so it's totally different from middle schoolers.)

see? as i said, i don't really use honorifics anywhere else rather than sentence endings (특목고세요?) because for me, the sentence endings are just going 'yeah you're older/higher in social rank than me' and doesn't really convey anything about intimacy or formality (also you are very, very rude if you don't use the right sentence endings), while using other affixes/special honorific words make things formal and a bit awkward for me. like there's this invisible wall between me and the other person, they're way too divine to even touch (what) so i only use all the other honorifics for super formal situations or high social rank people like principals or great historical figures. after calling ila i thought about how i wouldn't use -시- for a high schooler but ila just does, maybe she respects or looks up to high schoolers more than i do or honorifics for her don't convey the same feeling as it does for me.

anyways, i thought that was interesting and that's it!

#english #honorifics #kokosila #language