why does the system rule us all

2025-08-27

on monday, i was sitting in the hakwon bus as usual, next to my friends EmY and Luna. Luna goes to a really famous math hakwon that's looked up to by a lot of students and parents. EmY doesn't study a lot and is in the lowest class of a big math hakwon, making her kind of a commoner unlike Luna.

Luna says: "what grade math do y'all¹ learn?"
(in korea, everyone loves to do math ahead of their grade and show off their 'math skills' by how high of a grade level they're at. the grade level of the math you learn and your actual math skills are not related most of the time, but everyone loves to pretend they are.)
EmY seems reluctant to reply. she says, "i don't feel like saying cuz i'm far behind compared to you guys"
i say: "i'm doing 대수," i don't really feel like i deserve to learn 대수 since i barely know 공통수학2. "but i'm confused with 공통수학2 so i'll have to relearn that."
(for reference, 공통수학1 and 공통수학2 is 10th grade level, 대수 is 11th grade level, and we're in 7th grade)
Luna and EmY look at me like i'm the god of math or something. i don't feel like i should be looked at like this.
Luna says: "you must be so good at math. i'm just starting 공통수학1."
i say: "but you go to one of the best hakwons in this area!"
Luna laughs a little. "yeah, they say that because getting in my hakwon is hard, but after you get in? everyone sucks."
EmY says carefully: "well, you guys love to make self-deprecating jokes because you're all really good. i'm just starting 8th grade level."
i say: "you know what? that really isn't important."

i think about it. when i was younger and less people cared about studying math, i was proud of myself for knowing more than other kids. i loved the feeling of looking at my workbook while everyone else was socializing and acting like the smart kid who knew little tips and tricks for solving math problems. i always felt like i was good at math, and i'd be better when i would finally get to high school level. but as time passed, i learned that that's not how it worked. on the surface, it seemed like i knew a lot of things, but i barely knew what was going on underneath. i forgot how to question, how do all these things work and connect together? why are things like this? whether i understood the content and enjoyed it instead of blindly following The Curriculum™ was pushed away from my interest. only after three-ish years, i realized that i learned nothing and that i was just a slave of The Curriculum™

the people who didn't go far enough to learn this² still think "learning at a higher grade level = good" because everyone keeps saying that. and why does everyone say that? the system. it yells, "if you follow me you'll be better off in school!" and it does not.

i haven't stayed in school for a long time, and i've never tried to get a job or gotten one. however, according to a lot of people: school yells, "if you follow me you'll be better off when you get a job!" however, the things you learn in school do not benefit you in your job. and your job yells, "if you stick to me you'll get money and be better off in life and be happy forever!!!" but no. the system's just the system. and life is life. maybe the system might bring you a little bit closer to a better life, but it's just a tool, not the only and always correct way to the Best Life Ever™. as soon as the system's more than a tool, it seems to break down. if you're not fit for the system, congrats you're a failure! if you're happy with something but it's not relevant to the system, throw that away it's a waste of time! if you got depression, well i guess you didn't follow the system correctly, your fault!

i had this thing with my high school. back in january this year, when i first found about the school that ended up as my middle school goal to this day, it was because the korean high school system as a whole seemed like crap and that particular school seemed to balance the korean school system with other important skills like critical thinking and creativity. also they teach latin and linguistics and they have like 200 clubs³ and like a bunch of things that i don't remember exactly but it was cool and therefore i wanted to go there to pursue my dreams while being a good student. however 1. the school is extremely hard to get in and in fact it is one of the most prestigious high schools in korea and 2. high school is not a joke the same way an essay competition at english hakwon is.⁴⁵ which means pressure from both my mom and myself. at some point, it made me stress out about if i was doing right. well i'm too lazy to write a new thing about this so lemme just copypaste from my notebook:

i wanna reflect on what ms.hj (english hakwon director) said. she told me i should delve deeper into things. go on rabbit holes, read books, form opinions, make things, and most importantly, record what i did and learned. 수박 겉핥기 does not do anything.

however, when one panics and cares about being perfect, they start to do exactly the opposite. they try to copy other people they see as 'being on the right track' but on a surface level. going to hakwon to stay 'productive'. not recording or journaling becaue it's a 'waste of time', better work! not experimenting awkwardly and failing with unfamiliar methods cuz it's 'unreliable'. well that's 수박 겉핥기.

and that's what my mom and inner critic was telling me to do. and then i realized i wanted to go to the school i wanted to not to be a good student or for better chances of getting into a good university. it was because i wanted opportunities to focus on my studies and career path that i wanted, and because i wanted to grow as a person. and i shouldn't forget that the high school's just a tool.

anyways yeah! stop hyperfixating on the system, and 선행에 그만 좀 집착하렴 칭구들아! :D

#education #english #hakwon #kokosila #school