shitty thoughts
sometimes i worry i could be shrunk down to my writing in all my readers' eyes. i don't know how many of them actually exist, according to my flag counter y'all are from 23 different countries. and my writing, i've got a lot of shitty stuff that i know is shitty, like this rant on korean education. like i do not know anything on the subject, but i am interested, and i go chase everyone around to talk about it and have strong opinions that i know is only part of the story. and i am worried people will think i am only interested in my own black and white thoughts, don't know that my thoughts are shitty, and am unwilling to change them. and if i have shitty thoughts it'd be better to shut up, there are many ppl with shitty thoughts who do not shut up and cause everyone to think the shitty thought and ruin the world. we call those people most politicians. so saying something i don't know a lot about without a hundred disclaimers seems like a very shitty thing to do. and if i say something close to the line of shitty i feel like i need explain myself, like a lot. and at some point i am comfortable with saying nothing but a day in my life.
but on the other hand, i wanna share my thoughts even if it's shitty. have the confidence that i can share my opinions that i am not very confident with, after all incomplete and biased thoughts are still my thoughts unless i write that down and improve my thoughts. i want my opinion to be attacked by a random email and i want to fact check and research or argue back or something. sometimes what i right can have zero consistency, and that's still my thoughts, not all thoughts are consistent. my teacher once said 'brains don't have topics'. and yea i always felt like i had to be consistent with what language i use ever since i had readers, and you may be thinking wtf ava was consistent, but yea i was alwyas in a fight whether i should be consistent or do whatevs i want, but i guess sometimes i'll do whatevs i want and code switch lon tenpo ale cuz 그냥 musi하자나, and 마춤뻡도 ㅓ기고(?) yea see im being inconsistent, uh what is this again, is this even the right thing to do? uuhh anyways my point is, maybe i should be more chill and present my incomplete and biased ideas. and be fine about them and try to improve those ideas even if the 'improvements' end up being more biased and incomplete, one day if i keep being proud of where i've been and keep going ahead with my ideas i'll get somewhere?
oh yeah and also i should remove my flag counter, it reminds me that there are ppl reading this and it feels like i should not disrespect any of them. i guess disrerspecting is bad but sometimes it isn't? huh? what? meow?
oh wait you know what, maybe i'll add one of my shitty math thing, idk what the word in english is, in korean it's 수학 풀이노트. and yes it is a problem that i got wrong.
