explaining everything with self deprecation
on my way home, i was telling my school best friend (i need to give her a better name not a number like 26) about the duckduckgo search i did on what an operation was in math. i wrote about it on this blog too, in korean. and i caught myself telling my friend that i'm not going to hakwon or studying math ahead the 'normal' way cuz i am way behind everyone in math. (the korean word is 수학부진아) and i joked that in my blog post too. the words itself are true because i do not understand how math i learned at school fits together, but tbh i was also deprecating my effort to understand it without hakwon. hakwon was not helping and though my procrastination has been stopping me a lot, i was and will still be trying to fight it.
at home, i reread mason's response to my post because i've always wanted to write a response post, i just couldn't quite understand the post very well. and i thought 'wow i must be very stupid'. maybe i am, but when i said that, i was pretending i did not read that multiple times. each time i kinda got more of what he was saying and connected some bits with my recent experiences, and now i have my response post kinda fleshed out.
yea just because i did not do something perfectly or i did something cringe does not mean my effort or existence should be undermined.